Courting is a time of Inquiry

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I think it is important to know that as magical as fancy dates are, they truly aren’t the essence of courtship. There are many more amazing things than lovely gifts. Fantastic posts on social media singing your praises are also great. However, insightful conversations that provide a comfortable cushion to build your marriage on are essential

What are you talking about in your courtship? Courtship is a time of inquiry, both physical and spiritual(if you are) inquiries. While asking all the possible questions from your intended, also stay prayed up. God is not wicked, the things you cannot find out from physical inquiries, God can and WILL reveal to you. Many times, I have sat with clients trying to ‘blame’ God for the errors in their marriages. There is something called ‘Spiritual Responsibility’, which is taking care of your own part. There is an ancient saying that ‘God is always speaking, we are the ones not listening’ and we will only be able to judge God unfaithful when we have been faithful on our own path.

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Many singles are leaving certain things to chance and hoping that things will sort themselves out in Marriage. Have you discussed your take on conception and delivery? What happens if there is are problems with conceiving? How open are you both to assisted conception if need be? What is your take on ‘Hebrew women’ delivery and Caesarean section? Have you spoken about sex? Yes, you’re a virgin but there is a difference between having sex and talking about sex. I personally believe that virginity is not same as naivety. Talk about sex. What are your fears? What are your boundaries? If first time sex is too painful, what will you do? Are you both open to sex therapy and coaching?

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Have you spoken about your faith? If you don’t fully subscribe to his religion, have you both spoken about that? In an interfaith marriage, how will your children be raised? What is your take on discipline? Is there a family constitution that you both will uphold in your marriage? What is the Emotional intelligence charter that will guard your marriage and home?

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How will you handle your in-laws? How will you set boundaries with in-laws? What are off point topics with in-laws? What are your conflict resolution strategies? What kind of third parties are allowed?

Enjoy the fancy dates and the plenty gifts but most importantly, have conversations that will make your future with each other smoother. And please, pray if you’re a person of prayer. Pray intensely! Many people are getting married to versions of their spouses that don’t exist or versions they have been shown, trust God; the discerner of all thoughts and the revealer of all intents to show you what you’re missing. Marriage is a beautiful journey, may yours be a good lot!

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