I’m in a very emotional condition at the moment.
I’ve been crying since morning. I’ve not left my house, not even for church. Furthermore, I’ve lost the will to live, all because of what happened yesterday evening.
I’ve been dating this guy for two months. I thought he was a great guy. He was always nice to me, smart and hard-working.
I lost my virginity at the age of 18 in University, and it was to someone that just wanted to have sex with me.
He lied about loving me. All he wanted was sex and when he had his way he abandoned me and dated another girl in my department.
Since then, I’ve had a fear of relationships, most importantly of sex. I vowed to only have sex with someone I was going to marry; someone I was certainly loved me.
When I met my boyfriend, I thought he was the one. We vibed well, and we were both in the same field of work. Everything seemed to click.
I opened up to him about my experience and my decision to have sex only when I was ready. He agreed and said he was going to respect my wishes.
Yesterday he visited me at my flat. This wasn’t the first time he was visiting me. We paid each other visits all the time.
This time he brought a bottle of wine with him. I prepared food, we both eat, and he served us some wine.
The last thing I remember is taking a few sips and then everything else is blurry.
Next thing I am waking up by 8 am this morning with a severe headache, cramped legs and a sore feeling around my vagina.
There was something that looked like dried semen on my left thigh and some around my breast. I could also perceive the scent of his perfume on my body.
I want to report him to the police, but first I want to look at his face and ask why he would do this to me. I already planned on having sex with him soon.
Why couldn’t he wait? I want to involve my parents and his parents as well, but I don’t want this news to spread and take a hit on my reputation. I’m confused about what to do.
Why are men like this? I feel defiled and violated.
My mind has been constantly flooded with suicidal thoughts all day.
If I make it through this, I’m done with relationships forever.